the expatriate's wednesday

Perito Moreno, Glacier, Argentina

Check out the very little bars between glacier and forest ... they are people !  ! Just to give you a scale

This week, I was discussing with a friend and it reminded me of another discussion I had had with a Brasilian mother from the school where my children are.

The idea was around the childcare organisation there is here in Rio. I do not know if it does exist the same somewhere else in Brasil, I guess so, with probably a few differences. As it does exist in other countries too, with differences as well.

When I arrived here, like all the expatriates, I have had my lot of

« Wow ? No ? Oh dear ? This is really strange ? …, I do not understand that ? »,
and so on, and so on

As well as my lot of « Wow ! I love that ! How cool ! Never could we have that in France ! This is so clever ! »

In the first department, the one with the ?s, I had the childcare organisation.

The childcare organisation is something that does exist everywhere in the world and that is highly related to woman’s social status. And woman’s social status is highly cultural.

Cariocas (people from Rio de Janeiro) who have enough money to pay for their service have ladies that are locally called ‘babas’.

In France, for example, we call those ladies (yes, no men …) ‘nounous’

In the United Kingdom, they have the « proper English nannies » as Mary Poppins reminds us

-      So, here is what I understand from what I see in Rio :

the work of the babas is to look after one child. 

Babas stay in the parent’s home and sleep there. Sometimes 7/7, sometimes 5/7

They may go in restaurants with the family, on holiday/vacation with them

They are all dressed in white, a uniform bought by their employers

They are black Brasilian people

They have a proper work contract that gives them health cover and retirement rights, even though very small if I understood

Like anywhere in the world, you have good employers and you have bad employers

-      Here is now what schocked me when I arrived

What spirit can those ‘babas’ have in their work when they cannot look after their own children when they have any ? remeber they usually work 24/24 and 7/7

How can the authority be clear for the child when she/he has sometimes 3 adults around him for one action and contradictory instructions to follow ?

How can we still have that strict accepted social organisation between black Brasilian people and white Brasilian people, knowing that black Brasilias are the descendants of slaves ?

How can the parents live their babie’s and children’s safety and education to strangers for so long ?

Knowing that Brasilian parents do love their children as much as we do love ours in other countries, I had to investigate and open my mind ;o)

With my European cultural frame and my sub-cultural frame as a middle class ‘gringa’ engraved in my brain, if I employed such a person for my children I would feel as if I was in some ways ignoring some of their well being

So I observed more intensely the relation of that for me so strange triangle :

‘baba’ / child / parents + I had to open my heart and my brain to a Brasilian mother !

From my observation, I noticed something which isn’t very new nor surprising… just human ! You have all kind of relationships with this triangle !

Some kids seem to have a wonderful relation with their baba. Observing them, I felt love, confidence, happiness, fun, respect. Both of them when together had smiles, laughters and seemed totally relax. For me, it was for the child like having another strong adult, who they can rely on, different from the parents and as such, probably a way for the child to grow with more choice in her/his adult’s representations : fab !

Some other kids were simply ignored by their babas. I saw kids hurting themselves on a playground, on a sport ground, being cut, falling down, crying with their baba next to them, leaving them by themselves, paying absolutely no attention at all to the child. The child wasn’t recognised in his need of attention and love.

Ignoring someone is extremely violent and harmfull in the long term.

I also witnessed some children being extremely rude with their ‘baba’, throwing their school bag at them, totally ignoring them with no eye contact. No respect at all for the adult supposed to help them.

I saw ‘babas’ ignored by their empoyers as well. Being ‘used’. No eye contact for example.

I have no idea what is the pourcentage of each of these different situations

It would be very interesting to search more on :

-      How do the parents search and decide on employing this ‘baba’ and not another one : what are their criterias ?

-      How that is linked with the relation they have with their employee, the relation the baba has with the child and the relation they have with their own children.

There has to be a direct and strong link

Now, what did the Brasilian mother said to me ? I learnt a lot from her words

With our system of baba, we have much more time for ourself, looking after ourself, working, being a woman at least as much as being a mother. We have more time as well for our husband, we can keep a strong couple relationship.

That was something, believe it or not I had not thougt about !

And you know what, she was obviously totally right : she has so much more time for herself that what I do have !

I haven’t been further on my questioning about for example how she did to find the "right ‘baba’". That would be important for me to have those information.

Her explanations gave me another understanding of the system. I would though never employ someone 24/24 ; 7/7 to look after my kids.

This is simply not my cultural frame.

What I understand from this example is that we all do with our very own cultural frame. What we do not understand of the others is what do do not have in our culture, in us.

Being open to it means being able to grab some logics of the other and get an explanation.
This is the only way.

And it certainly doesn’t mean giving up on our own cultural frame.

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