Life coaching work with non employed exatriates

Rio

This article discusses the professional work of support that may be necessary for non-employees expatriate spouses

I chose to clarify this aspect of my work, rather than the problems of the expatriate who works, or that of the children: these three facets of expatriation are interdependent.

The population of non-employed expatriate spouses is overwhelmingly female majority.

On average, these women, before embarking on the adventure of expatriation, have an equal or greater qualification to four years of post-baccalaureate studies and have acquired a few years of professional activity.

It is a changing population that follows, with delay, the evolution of the society of their country of origin.

We see increasing numbers of men, single parents and gay couples.

We are at a turning societal point and companies that expatriate their employees would benefit from taking into account that population in a different way.

My first approach to these women, expatriated via their husband’s company, happened 15 years ago.

I was then expatriated in England myself, though not with the administrative package of a work. I was surprised by the aggressiveness and the systematic critical attitude of the host society by some of those ladies.

These were women who seemed to have in their life more than others could dream of: a family, health, work, social protection, affluence, travelling around the world.

But where did this chronic dissatisfaction came from then ?

Expatriation provokes aspects that develop depending of everyone's life story.

Expatriation does not create anything, but brings out what is psychologically ready to be.

There is the excitement of the discovery, the novelty, overcoming challenges that are part of the positive food which all life need.

And the hidden face of expatriation: the disorientation and loss of meaning, the collapse of ME replaced by PERSONA or social mask.

The facades offered both to self and others can vary: social hyperactivity or social isolation.

The consequences are as varied as what humans can create: depression, alcohol, aggression, melancholy ... with impacts on the individual, the spouse and children if any.

My assumption is that the source of these issues occurs in connection with two realities rooted in any history of migration, and also implies the non-employed expatriate spouse:

• The denial of the social position of the individual. Without this recognition, how to turn the experience into a constructive state ? It seems impossible to me.

This denial is well rooted and is found in all the circles that define the person: herself, her couple, her nuclear and extended family, employers and society.

Hence the difficulty of reaching this population and initiating a restoration work.

• The difference resulting from the confrontation between expectations and reality. And to understand the difficulties of an individual, one must consider all together the individual, family and cultural roles of the society of origin and those of the host society plus the respective expectations of all these roles.

Each individual may have a different response when confronted with the society of the host country.

There may be a gap for the woman, between the social reality she lives in expatriation, and representations of her role in the society of origin.

How expressing one’s discomfort when you're supposed to live a privileged life ?

Working in these times of economic crisis, having an administrative status with financial benefits, a better salary, travelling to dream destinations. . .

How to perceive this malaise ?

By private exchanges, active listening, witnessing the behavior of the person, their spouse or children.

Because the family as a group and everyone are being affected .

What is the malaise ? What is the associated need ?

The opposite of the common denial:

Recognition

It is almost never expressed by the verb; or if so, most often under the seal of confidence authorized by the professional frame.

The words shared must be protected as the expatriate population has in common with that of a small town where many private facts are known quickly

Then with the words, the heart is liberated and feelings are expressed, finally.

What do I build for myself ? How do I develop and maintain a recognized activity that is only mine ?

The initial phase of work is to regain confidence lost due to the denial of the social position.

How to work this major aspect in terms of coaching ?

By a return to fundamentals:

• Work on individual values ​​: what makes me stand up ? What makes sense to me in my life, and not only through my husband, my parents, my friends, my children ...

• Making a parallel to what constitutes my life with what I have dreamed of in terms of ideal life.

• A development work to make emerge the elements of the personality felt as helpful ( I am proud of ..) and those experienced as disabling (I'm bad in ... )

How to recapture them, be proud of them and use them voluntarily and in a constructive way ?

This is the premise for a return to a state of self-love that leads gradually to expressing and therefore to a possible work on certain recurring issues.

When the phase of self- recognition has begun, aggression towards self or towards others, usually the spouse, falls and work can be developed not " against " but " with " oneself and others.

I always work with my clients, either in groups or individually with these three points that I consider as being major .

One feature of Rio de Janeiro, where I have been living for three and a half years, is this notion of difference between expectations and reality.

Rio appears as a heavenly city with a lot of representations: climate, samba, carnival, beaches, beautiful bodies ... how afford to complain to one’s relative, whether near or far ?

The accompanying work is to allow the person to reconnect with herself and her true emotions, to confront the inevitable stages of grief and come to make choices, whatever they are.

Sometimes the simple act of putting one’s frustration, suffers in words provokes a new self-frame.

In a word, find one’s freedom !

This work does not necessarily imply a heavy or long accompaniment to lead to a re-appropriation of a consistent life project.

Pia Granjon Lecerf works from his professional qualifications :

Social worker ( IFSY , Versailles,France ) ;

Master of Social Anthropology ( Sorbonne )

Life Coach (Newcastle , UK)

NLP, Reiki , EFT ;

And his personal journey : expatriating as a child, becoming an expatriate adult: spouse and parent of three children.

Article published in www.recursimo.com

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