How about going for the opposite ?

Praia dois rios, Ilha Grande, Brasil

I remember a long time ago, I had to look after the child of a friend. He was 10 years old.  We went for a walk. He is a child who talks a lot. I mean, really a lot.

First, I had enough listening to him after a while and I needed quietness; second, I thought it could be a great plus for him to experience what non-talking is.

Why ?

People who talk / act non-stop do not allow themselves to know why they talk or act and what they are talking about or acting for.

There is often a hidden anxiety behind; if you talk or act continuously, you can avoid thinking about yourself and what you really want.

For many individual reasons, they fill in all the blanks: silences and time pauses.

There is also the fact that, whatever you are doing as a habit, it is like engraved in you.

You do not think about it anymore.

Hitting the opposite of your habit opens to a new world. With different phases to go through.

So, here I was with this big-little boy. After a while then, I said to him:

-          You have so many things to say, it is fascinating ! I want to tell you something: I am someone who loves listening to people, and I need time to think about what they say and that for me means really listening and not only hearing. With all your words, I cannot do that and I do not like it. And you know what ? I love silence, I really love it. Now, I have been listening to you for what is for me a long time. Now, it’s my turn: we do not speak for half an hour, ok ?

No need to precise that I had been interrupted several times already by the little man who needed to talk. I answered with a true smile saying: ‘hey, my turn to talk now !’

So he went:

          Ermmm ok then !

During the few following good 5 minutes, he couldn’t stop talking, so each time I looked at him with a big loving smile, blinking one eye and whispering ‘remember your promise to me !’ or I put my fingers on my lips, showing I wouldn’t talk

Then, he stopped talking and began to communicate with only some kind of signing, inventing a hands language. 

Very efficient he was ! !  

With plenty of facial mimics ! 

We’ve had fun doing that !

And after another few minutes, he stopped everything and was bouncing near me. 

Sometimes looking at me and smiling.

After the 30 mn, I said,

    rule’s over ! we can talk !

He answered:

         Ok !

And began to talk again  ;o)

I have no idea how he felt truly as I didn’t ask him, though I could see and feel he went through different stages:

Anxiety at first,

then creating a new strategy for keeping the communication and the action on

and finally simply being beside me, skipping and bouncing near me; offering me a big smile from time to time as if he was saying ‘cool game, hey ?’

He had been experiencing the opposite of his normal behavior; Has had gone, through body and mind through another reality and learnt that he could do it as well: more richness in his behaviour possibilities drawer;

The opposites of your behaviours, of our habits are rich of experiences and novelties as you do not experience them, so you do not build anything out of them;

If you decide to have a go, like this little guy, you will expend your choices of behaviors

That is if you want a change and only if those opposites follow your values, obviously !

Have a go ! 

That is a very rich exercise !

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