Is there a magical recipe ?

jungle's gift !

Is there a recipe for settling quickly in expatriation ?

That would be sooo reassuring, wouldn’t ? !

What do the surveys / researches tell us about what can help to settle in a new environment?

You can read about stages to go through here: http://piacoaching.blogspot.com.br/2012/01/xpatriates-wednesday-adapting-to-new.html

Then, you can also read about different parameters that can help your settlement: http://piacoaching.blogspot.com.br/2011/08/expatriates-wednesday-do-you-have.html

I do like surveys and researches; and I do like checking by myself, feeling by myself, because something which is true for someone may not be for someone else. This week, I met a lady who lives like me in Rio de Janeiro. Let’s call her Elisabeth, not her real name of course

From the first day I met her, she looked always happy, cheerful, untouched by the downsides of early times of expatriation; do I dare to add that it’s a performance, particularly in Rio where the practical sides of a settlement can drive us mad sometimes. Let’s not be too naive either, Elisabeth, if she feels sad is like all of us, she probably tends to let go of her feelings when she is by herself or with people very close to her.

So I asked her if we could meet, for me to try to get what seems to make her kinda flying above the worries linked with the first months of expatriation. Very kindly she was totally up for it. By the way, thank you ‘Elisabeth’ !

So, we had a drink along the beach in Ipanema and talked. Very nice moment. Here are some details related to Elisabeth’s situation:

It is a first expatriation for her and her family. Back home, they were living in the same house than Mr’s parents. Elisabeth was not working at home and isn’t working here either. When she arrived in Rio, her husband had already chosen their accommodation and the apartment was already furnished. Her husband was working and she stayed about one month with the children in her new environment before school began. There are 2 pre teenagers in the family that spoke just a few words of English when they arrived here. They were enrolled in an English speaking school. They chose their accommodation between where Elisabeth’s husband is working and the school.

If I follow researches results; here is what could have been predicted:

Theoretical “positive points” for her adaptation:

ü  Elisabeth was not working and won’t be working: no change for her

ü  Accommodation was ready to live in

ü  Furniture was there

Theoretical “negative points” for adaptation:

ü  The two children were not speaking the language they will have to face  every day at school, nor the local language

ü  She was by herself and isolated with the children for one month when she arrived

ü  She never had language lessons offered by her husband’s company. Though I am not sure at all this is a negative point ?

ü  The family wasn’t helped to find the accommodation, same; is this negative ?

ü  The family didn’t have a first journey paid to come and see the hosting country

Obviously an individual situation is always far more complex that this and there are many points, positive and negative that aren’t showing here; they would have to be pondered by Elisabeth to take their real weigh in the equation. Plus maybe Elisabeth hasn’t shared everything with me, either because she preferred not to or because she didn’t remember some of them at the moment we were talking; as well as I may have forgotten some things as well.

What counterbalances the Theoretical negative points in Elisabeth’s situation:

Ø  Her children adapted fast, one faster than the other, but she never felt them being very low spirited, even from the very beginning when they didn’t know anybody and weren’t speaking English. That was important to her. She told me that what she was most worried about what her children integration: this is a very common worry among women;

Ø  Elisabeth is curious. She wants to know the new cultural environment which is offered to her.

Ø  She is proactive: she uses local means to go out and discover

Ø  She feels her life here is far richer than the one she had back home, the international environment is something she really enjoys.

Ø  Once her social network began to be built, she felt very happy because no more isolated. She found friends via the school

Ø  The children built friendships rapidly

Ø  Elisabeth had an accommodation when she arrived

Ø  Yes, she didn’t have help for language lessons, that put the responsibility on her (her husband?) to find a solution. I think that being partly responsible for you gives a much stronger positive self-feeling than being too much assisted. Having to search, move … makes you feel alive and you can’t complain about others being the reason for your sad situation.

Elisabeth doesn’t want to go back home, or at least not at the same place;

I am convinced that the very first parameter that helped Elisabeth in succeeding in her adaptation fast in a quite complex country like Brazil can be, is the fact that her new Brazilian life offered her the possibility to develop individual possibilities, maybe unknown to her before, that her life back home had not offered her.

Her capacity to be proactive is obviously a very important factor as well

As another lady shared with me, ‘We don’t have our family in expatriation, our friends are our family.’

So, there are actions to be done, attitudes that help and no such thing like one magical recipe! 

What do you think ?

Have a beautiful day !

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